I need to sweep the table in the remaining Biden Cabinet picks to come away with a tie to Claudia, and that is looking very unlikely. Why is Andrew Yang saying he wants to be mayor of New York City? He’d be much happier as Commerce secretary and I would not get skunked. As it stands now, it looks like it will be worse than losing an election by more than seven million votes.
I’m writing to Pence in Vail to avail himself to my cause, hoping he doesn’t ski into a tree or get buried in an avalanche so that he can declare me the winner on Jan. 6 before Congress. If he’s willing to throw away his political future by siding with a one-term president, he might as well throw in some extra pork such as my lowly cause. Show he cares about the people.
Or, I could seek a presidential pardon. I haven’t killed any one. Wait, that seems to be a prerequisite for a pardon.
My cause is lost (and that’s not a concession).